In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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