Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
