I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
