Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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