Someone shit on the floor
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Damn victory sex feels great
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize