You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
