I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
