Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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