Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
