My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
