I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
