no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
