I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, beer. Big fan.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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