I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
