why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
