Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
