Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
