Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
