I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize