Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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