These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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