I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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