i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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