I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize