I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
