New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
