So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize