just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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