her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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