My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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