Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
