Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
