If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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