I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
