Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
