I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
