For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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