Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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