so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
