new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
