No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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