If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
