strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
God I need to hump something, right now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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