wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
