I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
