Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
a search helicopter?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
