You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm too high and old for this...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
