Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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