Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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