If i come over, it means nothing
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
