The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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