I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
