Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
