At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
