take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
