Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
