Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
