You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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