last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
