Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
