I love black thongs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
