i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
