So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
