what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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