his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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