I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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