I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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