Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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