She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
