Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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