so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
