I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
