guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize