I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
