How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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