i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
